Wednesday, 24 December 2008

The Pietersen Drinks Party

"What a lovely sight this is, Jessica, you've done so well with the Christmas decorations," KP said, gazing around the room in awe of all the flashing lights, and the ten foot tall Christmas tree, decorated with bats and cricket balls (part of the sponsoring deal).

"Thanks husband," Jessica giggled, she still couldn't get used to the fact that somehow she married the England captain.

Jessica and Rachel (Flintoff) were very competitive with each other, even down to the size of their sunglasses. While Rachel had a modelling contract with Asda, Jessica had managed to land a lucrative place on Dancing On Ice; a highlight for any celebrity: the thrill of broken bones and ice skates is often a combination many can't turn down (and the tour and possible part in Chicago). And while Rachel had to live down the sight of Freddy drunk and disorderly and falling off pedaloes, all Jessica had to cope with was being married to a South African who used to have a haircut similar to a badger.

"What time are the team coming over for the drinks party?" Asked KP. He had started a new tradition where the England captain must host the Christmas party for his team.

"In about 10 minutes," she replied, straightening the carpet to line up symmetrically with the sofa (she has a serious case of OCD).

The doorbell rang. Jessica opened the door and in poured the entire England set-up, physio and all.

That night was one for the history books. Matt and Ian spent twenty minutes trying to decide who was taller with Peter siding with Matt (big surprise), Ryan shouted at Monty for not buying him a present and Stuart cried when Steve told him Santa didn't exist. KP showed off by serving drinks with his left and right hand.

At the end of the night, KP and Jessica stood in their living room (featured in OK magazine) and surveyed the mess. Alastair had been sick in the fireplace. Owais had thrown a brick through the window because he wasn't invited and an unexpected phone call from Ricky explaining how to captain properly had really thrown KP off his guard.

"Don't worry babe," Jessica said reassuringly, "once I win DOI, I'll bring out a single and next thing you know, I'll be touring again and you can watch me from the side of the stage."

KP nodded his head. He didn't really like playing cricket anyway.

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