Wednesday, 10 September 2008

A Play. By Nightwatchgirl.

Michael Vaughan enters the Bank Manager's Office, he ends a phone call on his mobile whilst also listening to loud music on his ipod. He sits down on the chair opposite the Bank Manager's desk. Michael wears the full England training kit and carries an umbrella. He wears three gold rings on various fingers and has a large, gold chain around his neck. He has a big grin on his face. The Bank Manager, Barry, wears a suit and tie. He is also smiling.

In this skit Michael Vaughan is a wannabe rude boy from Peckham (read Manchester). Barry is from Mayfair.

Barry: Hello Mr. Vaughan. Terribly sorry about your recent loss as captain of our great nation.

Michael: Whassup Bazza. Ain't no prob mate, me got the new contract and I is rolling in it, innit.

Barry: Excellent. Well, you'll be pleased to know that your central contract has been deposited in to your account, and our discussion the other week about buying the Bentley is now more of a possibility.

Michael: Yes mate (makes hand gestures), that is banging. I is going to have Michael Vaughan in red stitching on all the seats, you get me. And massive screens so I can play Brian Lara on me playstation to get me batting up to standard.

Barry: Er. Excellent. (shifts uncomfortably in his seat, but Michael continues)

Michael: That KP is a fool. He finks I actually want to get back in the team, innit, but what's the point when they're paying me to not to play? I is going to sit this winter out, mate. And the summer. (laughs uncontrollably)

Barry: Well, we need to discuss your long term investments and your pension plan.

Michael: Yeah, whatever. (Michael's phone rings. He answers) Yes mate. How's it going? Nah, Goughy, I ain't feeling it, I'm buying me Bentley this afternoon. Later. (Michael ends the conversation) Baz, I gotta roll. Check you later, rudeboy.

Michael leaves the Bank Manager's office. He passes Matthew Hoggard who is just about to enter. They exchange a complicated set of hand gestures to indicate a greeting. Just as Michael is about to leave, Matthew kicks him in the shin and shouts abuse at him, before mugging Michael for his phone and wallet.

Revenge. A dish best served cold (no carbohydrates please). Vaughan, a batsman incapable of scoring runs. Hoggard, a bowler left out in the cold, to fend for himself because of a side strain. One has a central contract for no apparent reason. The other has a baby called Ernie, no contract and a Times column. Where is the justice?

Lights fade to black.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

The $15 million Squad

The Stanford squad team has been announced (and the One Day series in India). And those lucky enough to be picked only now have the small task of winning the matches to each earn their $1,000,000 prize.

There are no major shock inclusions in the squad (no Graham Napier, which is a shame) and no surprising players left out (which means Sidebottom is in...).

The full squad:

Kevin Pietersen, James Anderson, Ian Bell, Ravi Bopara, Stuart Broad, Paul Collingwood, Alastair Cook, Andrew Flintoff, Stephen Harmison, Samit Patel, Matt Prior, Owais Shah, Graeme Swann, Ryan Sidebottom, Luke Wright.

Sticking with the same team from the South Africa series seems to be the sensible answer (why fix something that ain't broke?), but who will be able to handle the pressure when there is only 20 runs off the last over to win the cash? Could Harmison and Flintoff stop the Stanford team from hitting the winning runs off the final overs?

Nightwatchgirl will sit back and enjoy the games this October/November safe in the knowledge that this England squad have a better chance of winning than they did a year ago, than they did two months ago, and that money motivates all (which is a little bit sad, but unfortunately true).

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Swapped at Birth?

Due to the distinct lack of cricket, Nightwatchgirl has found other ways to keep herself busy. Expect many, many more...

Ty from Neighbours

Mitchell Johnson

Contributions welcome.