Saturday, 8 November 2008

KP Falls To New Low

With the India series mere days away for the England camp, Pietersen has once again been trying to deny or deflect the disaster that was the Stanford Super Series.

By cleverly implying that the game in Antigua would be some sort of new game of cricket, KP thinks that people will obviously care less about the humiliating loss.

Not so, my friend.

KP declared: "we went into the Stanford game not knowing what was going to happen." Does Nightwatchgirl need to explain everything to you? This isn't scottish dancing. The Stanford match was a twenty20 game, requiring England to score some runs and then defend a good total. They managed neither.

KP continued: "We dived into depths of uncertainty." What did KP find uncertain? Same rules, same bats, same balls. The only thing wrong surely was the beating England received.

Thursday, 6 November 2008

Frightening Photo of 25 year old man in 35 year old's body

To the Australian Cricket Board:

Nightwatchgirl has heard about your new magical spinner Jason Krezja, on whose dainty shoulders rest a nation's hopes and dreams of holding a small urn of Ashes, but he seems to have been locked in a time machine and aged ten years.

NWG knows of many 25 year olds, and none look like him, except those kept out in the sun too long.

Can she suggest factor 50+ sun block and some facials with bird poo and caviar. Apparently they do wonders for the skin. Also some fish oil should help his creaky joints and it's probably sensible to have his eyes tested.

Yours cheerfully,


Wednesday, 5 November 2008

NWG Super Stars: Confirmed Team

NWG has just finished talking to all the relevant PR people and agents, discussed contracts, fee appearances, charity donations and outfit colours and she can now reveal who made it in to her NWG SuperStars.

Matthew Hoggard (with Ernie in a baby sling)
Adam Gilchrist (book promotion - thanks P)
Shane Warne (ditto)
Jimmy Anderson (thrilled to be given a game)
Sachin Tendulkar (couldn't wait to get the pads back on)
Glenn McGrath (initial thought was too tall, but that's discrimination, so...)
Brendan McCullum (finally a chance for him to play with the big boys)
Ashley Giles (NWG wanted royalty and she got royalty)
Chris Gayle (without the funny business)
Andrew Flintoff (jumped at the chance not to play for England)
Gary Pratt (who else?)

The game is set to start a week today. The first training session has taken place and NWG really made sure they are all fit enough to cope. The only one slightly puffed was Shane Warne, but then what do you expect?

Unfortunately this will be a closed event; no press allowed. But NWG will be keeping score, umpiring (what's LBW again?) and the team's physio (oh yes).

And before you ask, Nightwatchgirl has sat on all their laps and found them to be most comfortable.

Monday, 3 November 2008

Like the Cat That Got the Cream

What's he smiling about?

Answers on a postcard please.

No Moore Whining Please

So Peter Moores thinks that if England don't call themselves England, that this will somehow change how they play.

This is wrong.

A name is a name is a name.

Just because you call a pineapple a pear, it still remains a pineapple.

Nightwatchgirl has some handy hints for Peter Moores and England:

1. Play better.
2. Stop the team from getting out so quickly.
3. Make them score some runs. It makes the rest of the game far more enjoyable.
4. Bowl better.
5. Take wickets.
6. Don't moan after you lose. It doesn't change things and whining is for girls.

If England can't follow these basic steps, the team is done for.

Nightwatchgirl has done all she can do. The rest is up to England All Stars, or the much more catchy: The Team Waiting To Hand You a Shed Load of Money.

Sunday, 2 November 2008

Oh Well

It didn't really mean anything, did it?

So it doesn't matter.

That's NWG's story and she's sticking to it.