Monday, 5 January 2009

Episode Two of Star Moores: The Press Strikes Back

After a fight to end all fights between Kevin/Luke and Peter/Darth, Luke had his hand ripped off by a cricket bat. This would have been especially bad for Kevin/Luke given his batting skills and penchant for switch-hitting, but luckily he found a company that makes spare arms.

Meanwhile, the elders of the world (David Gower, Mike Selvey, Simon Barnes, Nasser Hussain, Patrick Kidd) condemned the epic duel. Their belief was that the young and impressionable Kevin/Luke was too naive to know what he was doing, but that his use of the force meant Peter/Darth could not control the universe forever because his power was weakening (the ECB would never sack the Captain - too controversial).

The England side, ready for battle with the planet West Indies and the current largest planet Australia (for now), needed peace to reign if they were ever going to be able to concentrate on beating them in a colossal fight involving throwing space ships/bowling and light sabres/batting.

Will Peter/Darth manage to persuade Kevin/Luke that he is his father and should not be killed, or will Kevin/Luke stay strong and kill him anyway for the good of the world?

The force (manipulation of the media) is strong with Kevin/Luke and the dark side (moaning about how unfair it all is) is really going out of fashion.

Tune in tomorrow for Episode Three of Star Moores and find out if the second battle has begun and who will survive (odds on favourite to go: Peter/Darth)


Anonymous said...

Have you seen Angus Fraser's rant today? More like the words of a p*ssed off, bitter former cricketer who's jealous of the lucre KP's getting than the words of a proper cricket correspondent like CMJ MBE. Don't think I'll be reading any more of his writings if this is the sort of stuff he churns out regularly. Let the bloggers get all emotional about it Gus, just provide some insight and analysis. You're a former England cricketer so you should be able to.

Mike Selvey is more on the case and less emo LiveJournal ranty with a far more level headed analysis. Yes, it is messy. Yes, getting shot of DMW (Dead Man Walking) could well set a precedent which people won't like and yes, it will increase KP's already large supply of FIGJAM.

Who's going to do more for the England test side - KP or DMW? If that's the guiding question then DMW is the one being told "here's your BFH (bus fare home)".

As was said in Macbeth, "If it were done when 'tis done, then t'were well. It were done quickly."

Let's get it over with!

The Nightwatchgirl said...

Jamie, where to start? Acronyms a plenty, swearing abbreviated and quotes from Shakespeare. You are clearly the intellectual on NWG. Thanks for that.

It's a messy business. NWG thinks the situation must be sorted. Either KP must come out and deny, or the ECB must come up with a good coach (one, preferably, who like Matthew Hoggard). The mess must be dealt with quickly and as quietly as possible, Australians can smell blood in the water from thousands of miles away.

Unknown said...

Nice post, wouldn't it be Episode V though?

Six & Out said...

Mosees, you are right, Clearly an oversight by NWG, it goes Ep IV,V,VI,I,II,III

Six & Out said...

Mosees, you are right, Clearly an oversight by NWG, it goes Ep IV,V,VI,I,II,III

The Nightwatchgirl said...

You're forgetting that this is Star Moores, you might be confusing it with something else, NWG is not sure what though...