Thursday, 19 March 2009

England Fighting Talk By NWG

Nightwatchgirl can't really bear this at the moment. She can't remember the last time she was happy. In fact, all she can remember is being let down by the England cricket team.

That was until today (well, strictly speaking it's not actually the England cricket team she's pleased with, but (Sir) Alec Stewart).

Alec has come out fighting over the decision by some counties (Kent and Middlesex to be precise), who have decided that (brilliantly) they want to have some Australians in their county side.

This is not a xenophobic rant. These aren't just any Australians. These are THE Australians. Cricketers who actually play for Australia.

And for some unknown reason, these counties think it an excellent idea to invite them over to adjust to the cold and rainy climate and get their eye in for the Ashes.

This is wrong.

NWG has her own plan for the Australians this summer:

Only on the 7 July shall the Australian cricket team be allowed into the country.

They shall not be provided any warm up matches.

They shall be only allowed to stay in a bed and breakfast 100 miles away from every venue and no SATNAV will be provided.

They shall be subjected to fire alarms and car horns throughout every night of their stay.

They will only be provided black pudding left out in the sun for several days for every meal for their entire stay during the Ashes.

Cricket balls will be repeatedly rolled in the direction of all the fast bowlers when they least expect it.

Car doors will be slammed on to batsmen's hands at every opportunity.

Before every game, an army obstacle course will be laid out in the hotel's reception area. If the players want to leave, they have to negotiate the course. Simple.

No sun cream will be provided.

Equipment, including lucky bats/shoes/pads, will be confiscated from their luggage upon arrival.

Some may call this sabotage. NWG considers that this might ensure that England will have a fighting chance.

Only might though.


Anonymous said...

Perhaps the counties feel that these Aussies will be intimidated by the high quality county players and there extreme dedication?

The Nightwatchgirl said...

yeah right....

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure they'll be that fussed about sun cream, NWG - considering what our summers are like it'd be better to take their brollies away.

The Nightwatchgirl said...

Try ski suits and scarves Dave

Unknown said...

I lived in London for 3 years and never once wore sunscreen, and never once got sunburnt. On the hottest recorded day in London (over 100F I believe) I was outside the entire day, shirtless, and either in the paddling pool or cooking the BBQ.

But then again I wont go outside in Sydney during 9 months of the year without 30+ on.

The Nightwatchgirl said...

welcome to NWG's world Moses