One Is The Largest Number In The World

Breaking news: England win for first time in 2009. This historic day has been marked by parades on the streets and knighthoods for the England team.

The West Indies will be left red faced as they practically handed a win to England due to some basic mistakes. Not with the bat. Not with the ball. But with a calculator.

Shame, because the game was set for a good finish. It just shows that you should never rely on DuckworthLewis, but your batsmen to finish off the job.

But nothing makes NWG happier than seeing England with a smile on their face and a skip in their step.

It's about time.

England Fighting Talk By NWG

Nightwatchgirl can't really bear this at the moment. She can't remember the last time she was happy. In fact, all she can remember is being let down by the England cricket team.

That was until today (well, strictly speaking it's not actually the England cricket team she's pleased with, but (Sir) Alec Stewart).

Alec has come out fighting over the decision by some counties (Kent and Middlesex to be precise), who have decided that (brilliantly) they want to have some Australians in their county side.

This is not a xenophobic rant. These aren't just any Australians. These are THE Australians. Cricketers who actually play for Australia.

And for some unknown reason, these counties think it an excellent idea to invite them over to adjust to the cold and rainy climate and get their eye in for the Ashes.

This is wrong.

NWG has her own plan for the Australians this summer:

Only on the 7 July shall the Australian cricket team be allowed into the country.

They shall not be provided any warm up matches.

They shall be only allowed to stay in a bed and breakfast 100 miles away from every venue and no SATNAV will be provided.

They shall be subjected to fire alarms and car horns throughout every night of their stay.

They will only be provided black pudding left out in the sun for several days for every meal for their entire stay during the Ashes.

Cricket balls will be repeatedly rolled in the direction of all the fast bowlers when they least expect it.

Car doors will be slammed on to batsmen's hands at every opportunity.

Before every game, an army obstacle course will be laid out in the hotel's reception area. If the players want to leave, they have to negotiate the course. Simple.

No sun cream will be provided.

Equipment, including lucky bats/shoes/pads, will be confiscated from their luggage upon arrival.

Some may call this sabotage. NWG considers that this might ensure that England will have a fighting chance.

Only might though.

Nuts Returns?

Uh oh.

It's being floated in the press that England could see a return of KP as England captain for the ODIs.

This is bad.

Has England forgotten the past three months? Did they not remember that the word maverick was coined specifically for KP's captaincy?

Andrew Strauss should be captain even if he is injured, in fact even if he can't stand up straight, he should be out there keeping an eye.

No he doesn't have the greatest record, but that's not entirely his fault.

Consistency is a big word, but it should be applied to the England team right now.

Update: Now it could be Collingwood. Didn't we try that too already?

England's Batting Perfomance. Rated 0.

England are rubbish. How it is possible for every batsmen to get themselves out in new and shocking ways, is frankly beyond NWG.

Here is what batsmen are meant to do: score runs. Consistently. Avoid getting out.

Here is what English batsmen do: avoid scoring runs. It makes taking the field that little bit more interesting. Get out frequently to keep the West Indian crowd happy and satisfied. If there is an opportunity for a run out, purposely slow down, avoid grounding the bat, then look surprised when walking back in shame. Clever.