Lessons That Have Been Learned

So both Australia and England have been playing some warm-up games.

What have we learned?

1. KP is in fine form.

2. Ian Bell really can't cope with batting against Australia.

3. Steve Harmison looks old.

4. Mitchell Johnson has finally taken that ugly stud out of his mouth.

5. North has hopefully had his big score of the summer.

6. And Michael Clarke.

7. And Ricky Ponting.

8. And Hughes.

9. Brett Lee has peaked.

10. Cook is just warming up.

11. Anderson is lulling Australia into a false sense of security by bowling badly.

12. Monty's back.

Harmison And His Big Mouth

Cricket is being played. Runs are being scored.

Exactly a week today, the Ashes will have begun.

NWG has cleared her schedule. She has some tickets for Lord's (only two days, though), she has tickets for the Oval. And she has planned her holiday around the break between Tests so she doesn't miss anything.

Gulp.

But let's not forget that there is cricket being played today. England and Australia are having their warm-up games.

And it's pretty interesting.

Harmison did pretty well yesterday with the ball. But not as well as he did with his mouth.

"They are not as brash and as confident as they normally are." He said, whilst aiming the ball for the other side of Ricky's face.

Hmmm. NWG isn't sure what to think of this statement. Is he stirring or sending a message to Andy Flower that he needs to be recalled?

England Lions are currently 64-0 after Australia managed 358.

England have Warwickshire at 92-8. But KP managed only 1, but then so did Ponting.

Things seem pretty even to NWG.

For now.

Timekeeping

Being able to tell the time is an important skill.

It's something you're taught at school.

It's something that's necessary to survive.

So how is it exactly that Flintoff has forgotten how to tell the time? And why has he chosen now to decide it's time to self-combust?

Freddy: NWG gives you full permission to lose your mind in September. Go be crazy. Drink as much as you like. Stand on as many buses as makes you happy.

Just not now.

Please.

Facebook Is Everywhere

NWG has been a little bit naughty and hacked in to her favourite (and least favourite) cricketer's facebook profiles.

Oh the hours of fun.

She will provide you with her highlights:

Michael Vaughan's page:

Message to Ian Botham: Any chance of earning some pocket money this summer?

Shane Warne's page:

Status update: Shane Warne is enjoying the weather in England. He tans like a leather shoe.

Paul Collingwood's page:

Status update: Paul Collingwood is flying to Paris in his helicopter to have laser work done on his freckles.

Shane Watson's page:

Shane Watson to Andrew Flintoff: Ah look. Can I come with you to your next Pilates class please?

Brad Haddin's page:

Brad Haddin to Adam Gilchrist: Ah look. Can we run over what a stumping is again? I've bloody well forgotten it.

Steve Harmison's page:

Steve Harmison to Andy Flower: I've finally figured it out. Aim for the wicket keeper and not second slip. Please pick me.

Ryan Sidebottom's page:

Status update: Ryan has shaved his head to emulate the great bowlers of our time in their Ashes year. But no one recognises me.

Matthew Hoggard's page:

Status update: Matthew and Michael are off to television presenting school. Zzzzzz.

Stuart Broad's page:

Stuart Broad to Paul Collingwood: Can we run over how to throw balls at the stumps? I always seem to miss and I don't know why.

Gary Pratt's page:

Gary Pratt to Ricky Ponting: I'm twelfth man again. And I'm coming for you.

Michael Hussey's page:

Status update: Officially dropping Mr Cricket as my nickname. It's too much pressure and I sound boring.

NWG will keep looking for more.

When Did This Happen?

At some point in the last 100 years a feud has been battling on. In the forests, in the mountains, in the sea and, obviously, on the beaches. There are no soldiers. There are no weapons. It is a war of words.

And NWG has no idea why it started (isn't that always the way?).

Shane Warne, you know, that podgy guy who could spin a ball a little bit, has been saying some strange and mean things about Paul Collingwood, the ginger one.

Shane Warne said about Collingwood's captaincy during the Twenty20 World Cup:

"He was too busy trying to drive his Aston Martin and fly around in helicopters."

NWG isn't sure what Warne was trying to say. Is Collingwood a secret billionaire, jetting from place to place (surely cricketers aren't paid that much, are they?)?

Has Colly said something to annoy Warne in the past?

Is Warne starting the Ashes war of words?

Someone please tell NWG.

Please.