Saturday, 19 September 2009

New Look England

This may come as a surprise to many. It may shock some. But NWG has some good news about the England ODI side.

Finally.

This morning NWG received a phone call from the ECB. It didn't last for long. There was not much chit chat. It was a business call.

Because today, NWG can exclusively reveal that she, yes, NWG, will be playing in tomorrow's game.

And not only that. She will be playing alongside Matthew Hoggard.

What may shock you even more is that NWG and Matthew will be the only players for the England side.

This is because we have more chance of beating Australia than the current team.

NWG will be batting, bowling, fielding and wicket keeping.

In fact she will be so busy, she better go and practice.

Wish her good luck (not that she'll need it. Let's face it, it couldn't get much worse.)

Friday, 18 September 2009

Shock Horror

NWG knows how all England fans thought that a 6-0 Australian lead would be unthinkable.

Impossible.

Unimaginable.

It's happened.

And what worse? The 15 year old, Paine (pain in the neck if you ask NWG), scored a century which was way passed his bedtime.

England: be embarrassed. Very embarrassed.

But Strauss wasn't out.

That's why England lost.

Wednesday, 16 September 2009

Fred The Freelance

What has this world come to when a player rejects a contract for their country?

A bad one is the answer.

Flintoff has made the unfortunate decision to not renew his England contract and will instead work on a freelance basis.

This means he can turn games down.

This is bad and spells disaster for England.

Flintoff - you may be lounging around the pool in Dubai, but you are wrong.

NWG is ashamed.

(no KP, you can't do the same. Sit back down.)

Tuesday, 15 September 2009

Strauss For King

NWG is very pleased that Andrew Strauss has made it into the final shortlist for ICC cricketer of the year.

Here are the reasons why he should win it:

1. He won the Ashes (rare).
2. He was the only batsman (for a while anyway) who knew how to score centuries.
3. He is the only batsman in the England side that keeps his head when all around him lose theirs.
4. Mitchell Johnson shouldn't get it because he forgot how to bowl. That's not impressive.
5. Mahendra Dhoni has plenty of time to win it because he's still young.
6. Gautam Gambhir can win Test player of the year. Don't be greedy.

Monday, 14 September 2009

Wright Attacked

You know when the world's against you when even machinery starts attacking the England side.

Yes, you've guessed it.

Luke Wright has been injured (on purpose) by a bowling machine.

Bowling Wall-e aimed the ball directly at Luke's toe.

And hurt it.

So he might be out for the next game which England stood a good chance of winning...no, NWG means losing.

This conclusively proves that England have had some kind of voodoo performed on them, possibly by Justin Langer after his dossier failed for the Test series.