Sunday, 28 February 2010

Points For Andrew Strauss

While his team (yes Alastair, it's yours to borrow, to rent, to own temporarily) is out in Bangladesh (and winning, incidentally), NWG has been giving serious thought to how Strauss should be spending his time.

1. Farming. Apparently Cook wants to become a farmer when he has finished with cricket. What better way to stamp your authority by usurping your understudy and building an amazing farm (NWG was thinking Emus - they're crazy, lamas - also crazy animals, sheep - that's just sensible, right? And giraffes - not for eating, obviously, but for their poo. They must have loads of it, and can surely be used in some kind of recycling machine for electricity).

2. Playing rugby. The England rugby team need some help. Strauss could definitely do with some team sports whilst sitting out this tour, and also, imagine standing in his way whilst he's running up the wicket? You would be flattened.

3. Doing yoga. Flexibility is key to inventing new shots. If Strauss could get his leg over his head, or his arms wrapped round his legs inside out, he could fool all the fielders and leave KP in his wake.

4. Become a restaurant critic. NWG has always fancied this job. Going to great restaurants and being paid for it. Sounds like an amazing idea. Although could have the unfortunate outcome of Strauss putting on a bit of weight. Perhaps NWG is confusing what she wants for Strauss, and what she wants for her. Scrap this point.

5. Star in a reality TV show. There's loads to choose from. NWG hears there will soon be a show about a bunch of celebrities going to the North Pole. Shane Richie is rumoured to be taking part. Strauss will fit in perfectly. Or the opera star one (would be highly amusing).


Stani Army said...

Alright mate?

SixSixEight said...

Yeah you alright? Are you pining for Staussy?

Have you forgotten you should be in your England ODI colours?

I know it is Cooky and it is difficult to take - but chin up old girl!

The Nightwatchgirl said...

It's true, NWG is struggling, but not as much as Strauss. He's bored and NWG was trying to be helpful.

Stani Army said...

My concern primarily revolved around the use of the word 'usurping'. Yuk! This is most unlike you Mare. There is only one word possibly worse than that and that's 'augurs'. Couldn't you use something like 'serendipity'? That's a nice word init Mare?

Stani Army said...

....and 'antimony'! That's nice too. It's not the same as 'antinomy', which is also a word. Just hasn't got the same ring to it.

Unknown said...

You vultures should leave Strauss alone. He is recovering from a tough SA tour where he made no runs. He is now fighting off Key and Bopara for his spot in the team.

SixSixEight said...

If only Staussy was fighting off Key for his spot in the team!

Anonymous said...

Very enlightening and beneficial to someone whose been out of the circuit for a long time.

- Kris