Thursday, 25 March 2010

Anderson The Mystery

Although we are firmly in the twenty first century, there remains a few mysteries in this world.

For instance, why Americans don't like cricket. Or why England can't win in Australia.

But the mystery for now surrounds James Anderson's knee.

Turns out, no one knows what's wrong with it. And it's a given that perhaps Jimmy doesn't know, considering he's not a knee surgeon, but the knee surgeon didn't know either.

NWG has two options:

Option one: There is in fact nothing wrong with his knee. It's all in his mind. He was tired from last year, he saw Bangladesh on the calender and thought to himself, nope, not this tour. I'm skipping it. This is perfectly plausible. Strauss has a legitimate excuse given he has to use his brain more than anyone else in the team. But Anderson? No excuse aside from injury would work. So he uses the old 'oh, it feels a bit tender,' points to a certain area on his knee and says 'there, that's where it hurts.'

Option two: Anderson does actually have a knee injury. It's there. Somewhere. Just no one knows where or how to find it or how to cure it. NWG has a sub-theory on this: voodoo. Australia have combined their efforts, and when everyone thinks they're having tea during a test, they're actually chanting around a fire with Anderson's knee on a picture board with wickets stuck in to it. NWG has no clue how to stop this from happening, aside from the England team doing the same thing to Mitchell Johnson, Ricky Ponting, oh fine, NWG means the whole team.


Stani Army said...

How different would this post have been if the words 'James' and 'Anderson' were swapped for the words 'Matthew' and 'Hoggard'? Ooo Matthew, poor Matthew......per-lease.

And might I just add, had you studied a useful subject at Uni (ooof! :)) then you would know that the knee is a remarkably complex part of the body.

The Nightwatchgirl said...

Oh Stani - if only you and NWG were friends, then you would know that she is an expert in knees and injuries, for she has suffered many. Imagine Michael Vaughan's knees times ten, then you're somewhere in the right range.

And no, replacing Anderson's name with Hoggard's would be totally inaccurate. Hoggard was unceremoniously dumped from England for political, social and economic reasons (or something).

Stani Army said...

See, there was no need for that :(

[Sympathetic 'ahhh' from the audience, who then proceed in hurling tomatoes at NWG]

And I do know about your dodgy knees and your lax ligaments, so there, 'friend'.


SixSixEight said...

It's simple England just prefer bowlers that get injured.

If they don't they feel they have to dump them.

The Nightwatchgirl said...

Oh Stani, NWG didn't mean to offend. Good thing she likes tomatoes...

668 - it sounds like you're talking about a serious passive-aggressive relationship whereby the dumper hates dumping the dumpee so they invent various reasons so they can avoid the awkwardness.

Stani Army said...

Was that an apology?...because I'm still sad. And if tomatoes are food then I know you like them. After all, your idol is Matthew Hoggard.

Why don't the bowlers just kick each other in the nuts - Broad elsewhere - after every game then?

SixSixEight said...

Stani - that's just the point the bowlers aren't fit enough to kick each other.

If they are they get dropped.

Harmy and Hoggy never kicked anyone.

I rest my case! [It's got a sniper rifle in it - for the Barbie open season...]

Stani Army said...

...Hoggy used to kick school children.

SixSixEight said...

No! I don't believe you Stani. Mark Ramprakash and Monty Panasar are known to swear at children...

Stani Army said...

It's true, I have the scars to prove it.

Ramprakash is just a miserable, angry, wife cheater. I think it was a T20 or Pro-40 game a couple of years back; he got dismissed and went and sat on the bench and was then followed by the Sky cameraman. He looks up and starts effing and blinding at the cameraman for following him. It was live, with children watching. True story.

Monty wouldn't hurt a fly and you know that....unless he fell on one in the field....and that too accidentally.

Stani Army said...

Been on the tube this evening Mare? Pick up the Evening Standard? Nice article about Shah. Would you take him to the T20 WC?