Friday, 17 September 2010

The Many Exploits Of Andrew Flintoff

Freddy has abandoned England. Fair enough. But to launch an assault on our TV screens is just one step too far. NWG understands he is in talks to do a series of reality shows. NWG has her own ideas.

1. Taking a pedalo across the Atlantic.

2. How many pints of beer does it take for Freddy to fall down in a live show.

3. Gathering all ex-England cricketers to buy a vineyard and make them pick all the grapes.

4. Watching Freddy watch paint dry or grass growing.

5. An Osborne's style show of his family, with him assuming the role of Ozzy: swearing, stumbling around his big house and generally having no clue as to what the hell is happening (not too much of a stretch).

6. Freddy in the Australian jungle alone while the Ashes is happening. Boring, but funny.

7. A Shane and Freddy chat show interviewing heavyweights such as The Saturdays, Jedward and possibly Kerry Katona.

8. Celebrity rehab.

9. A part in a soap, preferably neighbours. Recurring character, perhaps a long lost relative of Charlene.

10. Freddy's journey to becoming a life coach/hypnotherapist.

11. To appear on Dragon's Den complete with ridiculous invention pertaining to alleviate knee pain when actually it is a sock from Marks and Spencers.

This should keep him busy while he learns how to commentate on cricket.

20 comments:

Stani Army said...

You lucky moose Mare! How romantic is a day/night ODI with the sound of stumps rattling?

I reckon Freddy should open up a Pedalo hire place in St Lucia....call it Fredalo's. Maybe that could be his Dragon's Den idea? I want 10%.

Ben said...

1. Taking a pedalo across the Atlantic. - Could be dangerous, dont forget he cannot swim when he's drunk, or is that the main idea?

2. How many pints of beer does it take for Freddy to fall down in a live show. - Why bother with conventional pints, why dont we just hook him up to the keg, much faster and saves washing up.

5. An Osborne's style show of his family, with him assuming the role of Ozzy: swearing, stumbling around his big house and generally having no clue as to what the hell is happening (not too much of a stretch). - Lets save this idea for ten years time when the alcoholism has destroyed most of his liver and brain cells

6. Freddy in the Australian desert alone while the Ashes is happening with just a slab of beer to keep him alive.

8. Celebrity rehab. - See no.5


Some of my ideas for a reality show.

How many Aussies can he knock over in one session at Lords?

How many sixes can he hit off Shane Warne?

How many crying Aussies can he console after a match?

The Nightwatchgirl said...

NWG would like to see Fred consoling crying Aussies, but she fears, just like Ricky Ponting, that Australians rarely cry and may get violent.

So a more appropriate show might be, how many Aussies can Fred fight with.

NWG's answer is five, give or take how many pies he had eaten that day.

The Nightwatchgirl said...

Stani - NWG will suggest this to Fred. Though she can't really see him running a business that requires him to work in the morning.

And she assumes you are very happy to have not made it to the Oval last night given the new cheating allegations. If you had been there, you could have sorted them all out.

Ben said...

I cant believe there are new fixing allegations. All the cheats had been removed after the last round of allegations. This does not make sense. The PCB must not stand for this. It must root out any corruption in the team and set standards of fair play for the team to follow.

Ben said...

Who will recover first, Pakistan cricket team or Lindsay Lohan

Stani Army said...

Who said he has to do anything Mare?

Happy? I missed a great game you lucky sod!

I'd be surprised if there was anything still going on. How stupid must the player have to be to risk doing something under this spotlight? Plus we have the three previously accused removed so I'd be surprised if there was anything in this. We all know the English press don't we? I think they're just kicking Pakistan whilst they're down....although Ben seems to have made his mind up. Sun reader Ben?

The Nightwatchgirl said...

Ben - NWG has her money on Lindsay Lohan.

Stani Army said...

Save it Mare, and put it on England fielding 11 Englishmen before the turn of the century. You're bound to be on a winner then!

The Nightwatchgirl said...

England is paving the way of international cricket Stani. Don't hate the players....hate the game.

Ben said...

Im a Liverpool fan so you can take the S#n and fit it somewhere else. Am depressed about Lindsay. NWG should try and help her.

The Nightwatchgirl said...

Lindsay has to find her own way, Ben. Also avoiding taking drugs would help her no end.

Stani Army said...

Well spare a thought for me. I'm a West Ham fan....yes, West Ham football and Pakistan cricket. Could I have chosen a worse combination? Sometimes I think that they do bad because I support them. I have a cunning plan though, I will switch my allegiances to India (cricket) and Tottenham (football) :)

There are a lot of similarities between the hammers and Pakistan though. Young exciting talent, good to watch but always underachieving as a side. I guess some things were just written.

The Nightwatchgirl said...

Stani if you start supporting Spurs, NWG will definitely and without fail stop being nice to you.

She hates spurs, more than she hates Ryan.

No. That's not true. It's Ryan, then Spurs.

Stani Army said...

Breaking news: Spurs sign new striker Ryan Sidebottom. Can you imagine Mare?! Oof! I haven't killed you or given you PTSD have I?

Noo, I share your feelings on Spurs, and am glad you hate them. You have gone up in my estimation. My thinking was, if I 'support' them, they will start doing bad. Genius eh?

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Panikattacken Behandlung said...

How many pints of beer does it take for Freddy to fall down in a live show. - Why bother with conventional pints, why dont we just hook him up to the keg, much faster and saves washing up. So a more appropriate show might be, how many Aussies can Fred fight with.

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