Ponting - "I am devastated not to be playing at Sydney."
Translation: "I am more relieved than you could possibly understand. I will be at home in Tasmania with my devils and chicken schnitzel."
Andrew Strauss - "Of course we want to win at Sydney to win the series."
Translation: "I don't care."
Peter Roebuck - "South African born Kevin Pietersen etc. etc."
Translation: "Generation Y, Aussie, Usman Khawaja."
Michael Clarke- "I'm certain Punter will be back ASAP."
Translation: "Because I can't score any runs either and I don't have the excuse of a broken finger."
Ricky Ponting- "My finger got more broken and that's why I can't play."
Translation: "Shane Warne sat on it."
Graeme Swann - "I'm so happy."
Translation: "I'm drunk."
Ian Bell - "Chris Tremlett is really tall."
Translation: "Chris Tremlett is really tall."
Simon Katich - "My ankle is fine. No worries."
Translation: "Even my tendons have abandoned me."
Doug Bollinger - "My hair is natural."
Translation: "If by natural you mean my hair has been sown in to my scalp."
Tim Neilsen - "The challenge is to make sure Mitchell Johnson is relaxed, thinking well and thinking clearly."
Translation: "And even then he's rubbish."
Philip Hughes - "I am pumped and I can't wait to get out there. Mentally I feel really good and I am hitting them good in the nets, which is always a good sign."
Translation: "If only the nets were the same as playing in an actual Test and I wasn't pumped full of cotton wool to make me look taller."
Michael Beer - "It was good to meet Shane Watson and Ryan Harris in the Qantas Lounge."
Translation: "They thought I was the waiter, until I explained I'd been playing cricket for, like, three months and I was in the squad."
Steve Smith - "It's about making sure everyone else around is having fun, whether it be telling a joke or something like that on the field."
Translation: "Just don't ask me to bowl. Or bat. Or field."
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