What's That? NWG Can't Hear You

So NWG accepted that there would be changes to the cricket world in this decade. England might win occasionally. Australia may even lose. Matthew Hoggard could become a Sky Sports commentator (oh how joyous that would be).

But not this.

To refer or not to refer.

Well. It's there. So you might as well. Batsmen don't walk. Umpires are often rubbish.

But not the Third Umpire.

Yes, the great umpire that is Daryl Harper has messed up (insert necessary expletive here) again. And this time he's not even on the field.

Now it's the microphone's fault.

Graeme Smith was technically out. Caught behind Ryan Sidebottom (yes, NWG knows that's a bit of a shock. He can take wickets - well, not this time, but you know what NWG means). No response from the umpire. England appeal.

And what happens?

Daryl Harper can't hear the nick. The huge sound of bat on ball. It's deafening. Squirrels in NWG's garden hear it thinking that a tree is coming down. He gives it not out.

Turns out he won't turn the volume up on his headphones.

Can someone remind NWG of the point of having a referral system if it isn't used properly?

Harper - get thee to a nunnery. Immediately.

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Why pick Ryan?????????????????

WWWWWWWHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

Do England not want to win the series?

Well Well Well

Turns out the critics are all wrong (NWG included). The earth is still round. Matthew Hoggard is still the greatest cricketer of all time.

But.

Paul Collingwood has set the world right.

"He's kind of a genius."

Who's he talking about, you might ask.

Well. None other than KP. Apparently he is a genius.

And what's this about him not scoring any runs?

Well, Paul says: "He can turn it on."

Is batting as simple as turning on a switch? If so, why has he been playing so badly? Why doesn't he just leave the switch on? Is this some environmental rubbish? Who cares about global warming when it comes to cricket?

"It's probably his downfall that he's such a good player."

Yes, that's right, Colly. It really is awful when you're supposed to be a good player, and everyone says you're a good player (including KP, who's never short of telling everyone how great he is), and then you actually fail to be a good player.

What's left for KP to do?

NWG has the simple answer.

Score a double century to bat South Africa out of the game. Actually participate in the field.

It really is that simple.