Today. Actual Test Cricket. And It Was Great....Wasn't It?

Cricketers view playing Bangladesh as a good way to up their averages (see Alastair Cook). To spend some time in the middle. To practice playing that shot they've always wanted. To get a tan. To play in an empty stadium. To get some air miles.

But not for Kevin. At this precise moment NWG guesses that he would pay a large amount of money for that precious run that meant he missed out on another century.

It's just not his day.

It's just not his year.

When will his luck change? When he loses the ego? When he stops thinking he is the best player in the world and accepts that he might just be a bit better than average? When he realises that the England cricket team does not revolve around him?

KP needs help. Anyone who thinks they can provide him with some perspective/advice will be rewarded with a.........oh let's be real. You won't get anything except that warm feeling inside when you know you've done your country a good deed.

The Problem Of CWAGS

NWG is well aware of how troublesome her gender can be.

We moan. We criticise. We demand. We nag.

We sell our stories to magazines when we find out our photos have been leaked for huge amounts of money.

We demand our fiancees to return from tours to reassure us that we still have a meal ticket...whoops, NWG means, a relationship.

We don't mind if this means our country is without their vice-captain. We are more important whilst our looks are still intact and we can fit in to tiny dresses that show a bit too much.

We mess up tours.

We confuse our husbands when we get pregnant and make them forget what their job is.

We are CWAGS and we are here to stay.

What's Happened?

The world has gone mad. Officially. No, NWG has not just been to see Alice in Wonderland or taking advice from ex-Welsh rugby players sucking pennies (oh come on, really?). She's talking about England's performance in their warm up game.

Things that are normal:

KP failing to score runs.

Trott scoring runs.

Bell getting out before making a half century.

It's cold.

They never show the warm-up games on TV.

Things that are not normal:

Plunkett actually playing a game, he's bowling and everything.

Flintoff being a captain on the new sports quiz show.

Cook bowling. Yes, that's right. This is what happens when you become captain. You think you are suddenly the greatest cricketer in the world. You are not invincible. You cannot bowl, as evidenced by your bowling figures.

5-111.

No. That is not a typing error. He bowled five overs for 111 runs.

Now NWG is no genius, but even she can figure out that those are bad numbers. And even NWG can figure out that for someone who never bowls (NEVER), to start now is just not sensible. Cook would have been better off asking the umpires to bowl. Or England's mascot. Or the massive insects that you can see whizzing about.

May this be a lesson to him for the future. That's all that NWG can ask.