Twitter page: @MarkB46

@markb45 on way to middle. Love cricket. Feeling good about a win.

@swannyg66 we're going to get you.

@markb45 oh. Not going very well. KP scoring too many runs. Wish we included him in our team years ago. I blame Graeme Smith. Why can't they get along?

@kprulesall Yeah you regret it. Graeme is a fool and I have an England tattoo. So there.

@jaquesisn'tfatanymore Bouch, that was yours.

@markb45 no it wasn't.

@markb45 yup. This is going badly. Hate cricket.

@graemeI'mthebestcaptainintheworld why? why? why?

@morneistall when will I learn to keep behind the line?

@englandfaninthesun I love my painted on six pack. It makes me look cool.

@markb45 We can get that total, no probs.

@swannyg66 you haven't got a chance.

@markb45 oh yes we have. We're South Africa. We're brilliant.

@markb45 oh we're not that good after all.

@jamesandersonsitsaloneanddoesnothing I wish I was playing.

@ravibopara tell me about it Jimmy. I wish @jessp was having the baby already.

@ryanhairy see I am good. I can bowl and catch at the same time.

@jessp I'm having pains.

@kprulesall no you're not. I could be player of the tournament.

South Africa v England (South Africa)

Who will win?

Can England take wickets?

Can England score runs?

Will England fail like Pakistan right at the end (was quite a good game)?

NWG is concerned.

Australia Win: Big Deal

OK, so they batted quite well.

Shane Watson is beginning to annoy NWG with his sixes (what is it about Australian cricketers being called Shane?).

And India batted not so brilliantly.

But could England beat either?

Australia are looking particularly good at the moment.

Shock

England actually won. They could even be described as good.

Fun fact of the day (and also surprising - don't say NWG doesn't deliver on content):

KP is actually the third highest scoring batsmen in International Twenty20. This is quite surprising as NWG doesn't really remember him scoring that many runs.

But there you go. Let's just hope that KP's wife doesn't go in to labour in the next week.

First Twenty Overs

A wicket here, a wicket there. A million wides. A rubbish Ryan. A stunning KP catch (yes, you read that right). Colliding fielders. Too many sixes. An Afridi who didn't score 1,000,000 runs.

Yes, this game is an interesting one.

Roll on the next twenty.

England Against The Champions

So this is brilliant. England's first game without rain (NWG is tempting fate, she knows) and it's against the Twenty20 Champions.

And what makes this worse is coach Andy Flower's comments:

"Pakistan is a very dangerous side, but I think we are pretty dangerous as well."

Now this is simple: never call your opponents dangerous, even if they are. And never call yourself dangerous.

Especially when you're England.

England are many things (annoying, frustrating and in no way dependable), but dangerous is not one of them.

Today's game will hopefully be a cracker, but NWG has a bad feeling...

Almost, But Not Quite

Australia had a little wobble tonight against Bangladesh.

NWG dreamed.

She wished upon a falling star.

She even thought about making herself an early birthday cake and blowing out the candles (yes readers, NWG will be one year older on Tuesday).

But alas, she didn't and Australia won.

Next time, Australia, next time.

Rain Is No Match For England

NWG takes it all back.

England are through to the super-eights.

Hurrah.

Can they just drop Ryan please? Or at least make him cut his hair. It's ridiculous.

Curse the bloody rain.

Why?

Percentage chance of England win: 2.

Oh dear.

Percentages

NWG would like to believe that today's game against Ireland will be easy. A walk in the park. No problem.

But this is England we're talking about and that means banana skins are everywhere on that cricket field.

NWG has a nasty feeling that Irishman Eoin Morgan may have the odd pang of guilt for switching sides.

KP will feel that Ireland is far beneath him and think he's better than he is and be out for a duck.

Ryan Sidebottom will play (definite part in England's downfall yesterday).

NWG gives England a 40% chance of winning.

A 60% chance that Ryan's hair gets all frizzy from the humidity.

A 90% chance that Ireland win the toss.

A 95% chance that England will suffer from an unlucky D/L decision.

A 35.78% chance that KP will run off the field mid-game because his wife has gone in to labour.

A 1% chance that the South Africans in the England team realise that they picked the wrong country, try to get back in the South African side and get told they're not good enough.

A 14.93% chance that Stuart Broad cuts Ryan's hair in his sleep.

A 0.06% chance that Graeme Swann's car turns up in Guyana.

NWG Is In Shock

Because England lost. NWG would be rolling in the pennies if she'd had a bet (because let's face it, England would have been odds on to lose).

But, and she's not wanting to be a bad sport about this, the D/L system seemed a bit unfair tonight.

West Indies were always going to be able to get those runs. England were always going to lose.

NWG suggests (and this is bold) that D/L should also factor in wickets. So if a side chasing (like West Indies tonight) needed 40 off 30 balls, they should only have three wickets to spare. If they lose those three wickets, England have effectively bowled them out.

This seems fair, which even surprises NWG.

p.s. England actually batted rather brilliantly today. Without the luck of the Irish and the input of a couple (alright, several) South Africans, they would have been toast hours ago.

p.p.s. NWG told you Ryan is rubbish. When will England listen to her?

England Play Today

NWG is betting that England will lose. Not because they generally don't play very good twenty20 cricket (which they don't), not because they never win their first game (because they don't), not because it's against the West Indies (well, it is their home ground after all) but because:

Ryan Sidebottom is supposed to be playing.

Yes, you heard right. The dreaded one.

England, when will you learn?

Note: NWG is writing this post for two reasons: firstly she believes it to be true. Secondly, because normally when she's critical of Ryan it means he manages to let go of the ball at precisely the right time to make the batsman miss and he gets a wicket. Technically this post is for the England cricket team.

Go England. Blah blah blah.

Golly

Five wickets in an over. Kind of greedy, yet at the same time, kind of brilliant.

Yes Australia did score 191. But that's not the point. NWG has never seen so many wickets in an over. And never seen so many Australians walk back off the field so quickly.

If only England could do that kind of thing.

NWG will keep dreaming.