Friday, 15 October 2010

What Did NWG Say?

Keep the players wrapped in cotton wool. Nothing extreme. Nothing that could damage.

Nothing that could injure.

And now look what's happened.

James Anderson, spindley little thing that he is has cracked a bloody rib.

Why do they put England fans through this? NWG is now facing weeks of disturbed sleep worrying whether Jimmy's body is healing.

Are they putting him in an oxygen chamber? Did that help or hinder Rooney? NWG can't remember now...

because she is panicking.

NWG Is Smart

NWG can't reveal how she got this information, but she thought it was best to share it.

It's the text messages between Warne and Ponting. Oh yes. It really is.


Ricky: Warney, how cud u say that? My fielding positions are top x.

Warne: Ah look Ricks, just being honest. Also have to keep my twitter fans happy.

Ricky: Not OK. Am really hurt and upset. You've betrayed me x.

Warne: Stop being such a girl. Man up. If any England fans get hold of these, they'll eat u alive.

Ricky: It's about more than that and u know it. You're meant to have my back xx ;)

Warne: Your back is hairy :(

Ricky: Shut up. At least I'm not fat ;D

Warne: Fair point, but I love every single burger I eat. Chin up mate.

Ricky: It's too late for that. I've got a really bad feeling xx

Warne: That'll be the curry you ate ;)

Ricky: I mean about the Ashes. We've lost 3 in a row. It's bad x

Warne: Yeah it is. I'm enjoying it. Might write a diary and flog it post-ashes.

Ricky: Warney, I'm reaching out to you. Think my job is unsafe. xx

Warne: Don't worry mate. Worst cast scenario you'll be commentating before the year is out. It's not that hard.

Ricky: I hate you :(

Warne: Don't make stupid field decisions then.

Ricky: I'm telling Langer on you.

Warne: Now I'm really scared.

Ricky: You should be. He can be really mean.

Warne: You're mincemeat x

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

NWG Is Happy

This may be a small victory for England. In fact, it doesn't really have much to do with England at all.

For it seems India have done England a huge favour (thanks for that).

Thanks to India beating Australia 2-0 in their series, Australia are now below England in the Test rankings.

NWG says hurrah.

Not that this means England will beat Australia. Not that the Ashes will be easy. But that finally, and it's taken a long while, England, on points (which is just as important) are better than Australia.

NWG will sleep happily tonight knowing old Ricky will be cross.

Tuesday, 12 October 2010

What The?

What's happened to New Zealand?

Or should NWG say, what's happened to Bangladesh?

Either way, NWG is liking this upside down world. It gives England new hope for going down under.