Saturday, 27 November 2010

Does This Explain Why Australians Are So Good At Cricket?


This, readers, was taken inside the Gaba.

NWG has alerted the authorities and fines are being sent to the Australian team as she types.

Glorious (Read Rubbish) Photos of A Glorious (Read Rubbish) Two Days



Day Three (Also From Hell)

NWG is so glad she is not at the GABBA.

For today, frankly, was awful.

The only consolation is that Hussey missed out on 200. That's right, that's the only good thing about today. Oh, and that NWG is now in Mission Beach where it's boiling hot.

And Strauss managed to score. Who knows how many (England need it to be about 400).

God speed England.

Friday, 26 November 2010

Day Two (Slightly Better)

Ponting out for 10. How sweet that sounds.

The GABBA has treated NWG a lot better today. Not only did she have a better view (photos to follow), but England decided today was the day that the Ashes started.

The roar from the England fans when Ponting was out for 10 made NWG slightly homesick. She misses the Oval. The only disappointment was the rain, ruining any chances of knocking off Haddin before the end of play.

And NWG is happy to report that although the last couple of hours of play didn't go exactly to plan, those lovely couple of hours where a steady stream of Australian batsmen came in and then went out again, was just wonderful. NWG was so glad she decided to go (because there were a few moments when she wasn't entirely sure she could cope with more humiliation).

England, NWG is so proud. But she must sign off now because neighbours starts soon and she is heading straight off to the Pig and Whistle to have some drinks with the Barmy Army.

p.s. just in case you missed it, Ponting was out for 10.

Thursday, 25 November 2010

Day One (From Hell)

So today there involved a car, a near miss, an argument, someone being sent to prison, a near drowning and..........

oh no wait, that wasn't the cricket, that was neighbours...

NWG is very sad. Today she had really hoped that England would at least try and make an effort - you know, actually try.

But no.

They did not.

Is she being unfair?

Good points:

Alastair Cook - good innings through tough times.
KP - actually showing that he can take on a whole crowd of booing Australians (why? NWG will remember that the next time they are back in town) and although not getting a huge amount of runs, providing a bit of stability.
Ian Bell - who knew? What would England have done without him today?
The Barmy Army - for showing NWG a good time last night at the Pig and Whistle, for selling her a t-shirt and for shouting down the one Australian who had snuck in there with amusing chants such as 'you're on your own.'
The weather - balmy, without being too hot.

Bad points:

Andrew Strauss - what the hell?
Jonathan Trott - not acceptable.
Paul Collingwood, Matt Prior, Stuart Broad - stand at the back of the class and do not return until you understood why an entire country is upset with you.
James Anderson - NWG knows it's asking a lot, but couldn't you have at least tried to get a wicket at the end of the day?
The Australian sitting next to NWG who would look at her everytime a wicket fell (and that was pretty often), until at one point she felt like she may start a fight.
The hat-trick.

All in all, today was not a day that NWG will care to remember. Instead she chooses to focus on the positives; namely, today is over.

Tomorrow she hopes for a repeat performance only in reverse, and if KP could get the hat-trick, that would be even better.

Tuesday, 23 November 2010

When Did That Happen?

When did Eoin Morgan get dropped for Ian Bell?

When did Ian Bell start attempting to participate in Movember? (NWG's guess is 2009)

Who is Xavier Doherty?

Where's Ricky's scar gone?

Who will NWG be sitting next to in Brisbane?

Will the Australian fans be mean?

How much beer can NWG drink in two days?

Is NWG staying in the same hotel as the England team?

Who will win the toss?

Will Alastair Cook score more than 10 runs?

Will KP stand the pressure?

Who will answer these questions for NWG?

KP And Australia

It seems strange to NWG that the Australian media spend so much of their time focusing on KP.

He's just a guy.

He's human.

He has a mustache (which looks a bit '70s, but still).

All the media want to talk about is:

Will he play well? Can he recover his form? If he doesn't play well, will it mean England lose? Is he too cocky?

Well NWG has an answer for you Australia:

It's fine if he doesn't, and fine if he does.

Have they forgotten about last summer? England can manage. As much as he likes to think so, England can manage.


Tomorrow Is One Step Closer

NWG is poised to leave Tasmania tomorrow for the bright lights of Brisbane. Yes, it's that time that she thought would never come - time for the cricket.

She has mixed feelings about Thursday. It's all very well talking about the England team and how well they well do, but she will actually be going. She will be there. And it hasn't quite dawned on her the scale of her nerves.

She has some things with her to make her feel better. The first is her England flag. That will be wrapped around her. The second is the weight of expectation of all the England fans who are willing the team to do well.

All NWG wants is for the first two days to be good. England doesn't have to be 3000 runs ahead, or have bowled Australia out for 54. She just wants to be proud (read not embarrassed).

NWG knows this is a lot to ask.

Monday, 22 November 2010

Cricket: The Board (bored) Game


NWG was just minding her own business in a little shop in Tasmania (as you do when you have four days to go till the Brisbane Test), when she saw this.

No, she didn't buy it.

And yes, her first thought too was 'how strange Australia is.'

Her second thought was that it was no surprise that this game was now in a junk shop.

Her third thought was how odd Michael Clarke looks. It explains his lack of modelling contracts.

Her fourth thought (NWG knows, four thoughts in a matter of seconds) was, is this why Australian cricket is/was so good? Because they spend all their time playing this game?

p.s. yes, your eyes aren't playing tricks on you, that is Andrew Symonds.

Yes, It's True

Shane Warne is advertising for McDonalds (and no it's not for a salad).

He is, after all, everything you would want in a fast food model...

Slimline. Healthy. Fit.

Great choice Ronald.

KP And His Big Mouth

Although the Aussies have conveniently forgotten that KP was injured last summer during the Ashes, they keep harping on about how important he is to the team. This has not been helped by the little video showing the victory dance.

This has made the news. NWG isn't sure why. The only thing she does know for sure is that someone is going to say something to her at Brisbane and she is going to lose her temper.

Why can't Australians take a joke like NWG?


NWG Is Still Here

NWG has been in the outback. Well, not the technical outback, actually not the outback at all, she is in Tasmania, but it feels like she is in the middle of nowhere and back in time.

Still. She is reading the papers. She's listening to the radio. And believe her, it's all cricket.

And despite the fact that the Australian team are in disarray, the Australian press don't seem to mind. Aside from Glen McGrath (fresh from his wedding) saying 5-0, the press are firmly behind the team. NWG suggests they are in denial.

And the day is getting closer and closer. Thursday is terrifyingly close. She already feels the nausea.

How is she going to cope?