Saturday, 1 January 2011

Happy New Year

NWG would like to take this opportunity to wish all a Happy New Year, especially the Australian readers. Without your country, NWG would be a lot less happy right now.

So.

Cheers for that.

Friday, 31 December 2010

NWG's Cricketing Translation Service Part III

Brad Haddin - "He's ready to do this job. We're 100% behind him."

Translation: "No one else wanted it."

NWG's Cricketing Translation Service Part II

Kevin Pietersen - "I lost the captaincy, I got rid of the English captaincy for the good of English cricket and we would not be here today if I had not done what I did then."

Translation: "I rule."

Thursday, 30 December 2010

NWG's Cricketing Translation Service Part I

Ponting - "I am devastated not to be playing at Sydney."

Translation: "I am more relieved than you could possibly understand. I will be at home in Tasmania with my devils and chicken schnitzel."

Andrew Strauss - "Of course we want to win at Sydney to win the series."

Translation: "I don't care."

Peter Roebuck - "South African born Kevin Pietersen etc. etc."

Translation: "Generation Y, Aussie, Usman Khawaja."

Michael Clarke- "I'm certain Punter will be back ASAP."

Translation: "Because I can't score any runs either and I don't have the excuse of a broken finger."

Ricky Ponting- "My finger got more broken and that's why I can't play."

Translation: "Shane Warne sat on it."

Graeme Swann - "I'm so happy."

Translation: "I'm drunk."

Ian Bell - "Chris Tremlett is really tall."

Translation: "Chris Tremlett is really tall."

Simon Katich - "My ankle is fine. No worries."

Translation: "Even my tendons have abandoned me."

Doug Bollinger - "My hair is natural."

Translation: "If by natural you mean my hair has been sown in to my scalp."

Tim Neilsen - "The challenge is to make sure Mitchell Johnson is relaxed, thinking well and thinking clearly."

Translation: "And even then he's rubbish."

Philip Hughes - "I am pumped and I can't wait to get out there. Mentally I feel really good and I am hitting them good in the nets, which is always a good sign."

Translation: "If only the nets were the same as playing in an actual Test and I wasn't pumped full of cotton wool to make me look taller."

Michael Beer - "It was good to meet Shane Watson and Ryan Harris in the Qantas Lounge."

Translation: "They thought I was the waiter, until I explained I'd been playing cricket for, like, three months and I was in the squad."

Steve Smith - "It's about making sure everyone else around is having fun, whether it be telling a joke or something like that on the field."

Translation: "Just don't ask me to bowl. Or bat. Or field."

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

And There It Is

And it all happened rather quickly. Just like that, England have retained the Ashes.

Australia were a bit rubbish.

Ponting has gone mad.

The England players think they can dance.

And NWG can't really believe it. All those months where her heart has been fluttering with anxiety and anticipation. All those threats from the Australians (Glen, NWG hasn't forgotten) saying how they were going to win (5-0, what?). All those hours before Brisbane started where NWG was frightened. The time in the bar in Brisbane where she met Jimmy, the General of the Barmy Army. The annoying guy she was sitting next to on the first day of Brisbane where he would look over at her when an England wicket fell. The endless hours where she listened on the radio while she was driving. Even in the air when the pilot turned on the radio transmitter so he could gloat, and actually she just listened to Strauss and Cook bat and bat and bat. All the time she was in LA and listened on her computer to TMS. NWG refusing to listen to jet lag and staying up and watching at the MCG.

And last night. The hour and a half where she watched those last precious wickets.

And England won.

And it was joyous.

Bring on Sydney,

Day Three

Haddin, stop being a spoilsport.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010

Shane Watson

Because this proves that not all Australians are the same.

This proves that some have a sense of humour (although not large, it's still there).

This proves that Ricky Ponting is on his own.

NWG would like to take this opportunity to officially declare that Shane Watson is now her favourite Australian player, just for this interview.

(NWG would suggest clicking on Shane Watson in the title)

Amusing

Monday, 27 December 2010

Rules For Ricky

1. NWG shouldn't even have to write this down, but cricket is not football.

2. No talking back to the umpires.

3. No swearing at the umpires.

4. No getting your tall mates (Wareckidle - see previous post) to try and intimidate the umpires.

5. Stop being a bad sport. You'd never see Andrew Strauss talking like that. In fact, NWG is almost positive he doesn't know any swear words.

6. Just because Santa didn't bring you a certificate for plastic surgery to have the scar removed doesn't mean you can take it out on umpires, or anyone for that fact.

7. Just let Michael Clarke take over. You've obviously had enough.

Day 2 Melbourne

England just seem to quite like batting. NWG is not sure where this has come from. Who knew after Perth that they all just wanted to wear the helmets and stand in the middle for hours on end.

Australia, on the other hand, don't seem to like bowling. Or fielding. Or umpires. Or the English. No, NWG was wrong. They like Paul Collingwood and Ian Bell.

Is it just NWG that thinks Peter Siddle looks like a cross between Wayne Rooney and Shrek?

Sunday, 26 December 2010

Day 1 Melbourne

What a Christmas present.

NWG would like to thank all of the England team for reading her letter to Santa.

Also, she appreciates what a pain it is to have to stay up in to the middle of the night. It is extraordinarily inconvenient.

Still. She would like to be positive. But she doesn't like Philip Hughes. Mainly because in the press conference before the last Test he talked about how he was a lot more confident but he wouldn't say why.

This is ridiculous. You can only be confident when you are good.

Hussey can be confident (and NWG would like to raise awareness at his good sportsmanship for walking tonight) because he is good.

Even Ponting (although this series he's a little shaky).

But not Philip. Or Lippy as NWG might call him.

NWG hopes she will wake up tomorrow morning with more good news for England.